shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
