Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
where are you?
Hypothermia
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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