Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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