i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
