I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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