there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize