The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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