I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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