I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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