i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Come on in and take your pants off
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