i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
