Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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