I got chris browned last night
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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