you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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