my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You ruined the universe
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