who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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