I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
