Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
