I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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