New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
