Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
