Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
