she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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