I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
