seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
