I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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