Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
