it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
