lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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