I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
