I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
