Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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