If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
