well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
