Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
