Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
