I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
