I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
