There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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