maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
