so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
