i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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