You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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