..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
