threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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