just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
