I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Randomize
