i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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