they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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