Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
