Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She bit a glass in half.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
