Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
