i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
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I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize