he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
