In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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