I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize