All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize