Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
