I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
