Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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