I have demons in me.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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