that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
