Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
