I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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