so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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