my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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