So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
