What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
