this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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