i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
