So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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