i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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