dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
