Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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