Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
