if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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