I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
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It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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