My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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