Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
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thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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