Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Holy sore nipples Batman
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
