My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
